Aug 31, 2009

On Writing

The first time I can remember ever sitting down at a typewriter and pecking out a bit of fiction. True, it was unduly influenced by The Empire Strikes Back, but it was an honest attempt. Certainly, if my kid were doing something similar I'd have snatched up the final product and put it up on my fridge (or some other place of honor). But that's not my (single) mother's style.

There was little-to-no encouragement in my home. There wasn't even discouragement. I've worked at being a writer because I liked it. It filled something inside of me. Not many people have told me that I'm good, though a lot of people have told me the opposite.

When it comes to writing on this blog, I'll admit, I don't fret over it as much as I do my "clean" writing. On here I write from the gut. I don't spend a lot of time noodling on draft after draft after I've written the first. For better or worse, what you're reading here comes right from my head onto the page. One reason for this is to avoid self-censorship. I'm exploring things here that I don't normally allow myself to contemplate. It's a mental purge.

Knowing that I don't put a whole lot of effort into the stories on this site -- not rewriting, outlining, et cetera -- I shouldn't expect a lot of response, good or bad. Yet, I absolutely crave and thrive upon feedback. It's the insecurity flooding through. Years of living in a vacuum coming back as an embarassing need for response.

Aug 30, 2009

A Hard Limit

One of my hard limits is "no abandonment." I can take a lot of things but just can't handle being ignored. Go ahead and tell me that you hate me. I can take that. Tell me that you don't think I'm a good friend. I can take that, too. But please don't cut me out of your life and expect me to guess why I've been put out in the doghouse. I'm just not that smart.

It's refreshing, in a way, to find out after four years why I've been bounced out of the life of one of my former friends. In the meantime I've been reaching out, trying to contact her all to no avail. She's been insulated by one of her slaves who would occasionally tersely respond to emails with an impolite "go away" but no explanation as to why. I thought perhaps it was jealousy.

No, apparently it was orders. It took four years but I finally wore down the wall and got a response from my old friend directly without being funneled through her slave.

Now my mind is boggled. Why am I persona non grata? Because I got a call out of the blue all those years ago asking me to come help her pack and I my schedule wouldn't allow it. That slight apparently ended our friendship. It's good to know after all this time.

All those conversations, the hours we spent together--the intimate times and the mundane, going out to lunch like two normal human beings, even trying to help her get a job. All of that undone because I couldn't come running when she called after months of radio silence. Apparently I valued our friendship a lot more than she did. That's very sad but it's satisfying to finally learn just how petty of a reason for abandoning me this has been.

Addendum: I tried to be fairly respectable in this post and not mention any names but that doesn't seem to be working well due to some feedback being given here.

Fetishism in Advertising

Some hot images courtesy of The English Mansion.

Still a Bad Girl

Aug 27, 2009

Birthday Boy

My latest story, an autobiographical tale of my 27th birthday, just went up at Erotica Republic. Enjoy!

Aug 21, 2009

Great Review from Dark Divas!

After suffering through a pretty rotten review recently, I'm happy to report that Dark Divas has given Freedom is Slavery a glowing recommendation!

Read the whole review here.

Aug 20, 2009

Sugasm #171

Big ups to Sugasm for including my story, Friday Night Plans: Faith, as part of the latest gathering of smut!

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #172? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Kiss Me If You Can
“I love the buildup, the discovery.”

Back To School
“Back at school a stolen glance across the corridor shows me you haven’t forgotten either.”

On Critics and Criticism
“But is it fair? Is it right?”

Sugasm Editor
Review: Babeland’s Under The Bed Restraints

Editor’s Choice

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

Sexy Cola

Aug 5, 2009

Sugasm #170

Thanks to Sugasm for including my story, A First Lesson, in Sugasm #170.

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #171? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
The fundamental things apply…
“If you can’t fuck me with your mouth, how are you going to handle fucking all of me at once?”

“Patiently, he took his time touching me here and there.”

The Study Date (Sugarbutch Star: Green-Eyed Girl)
“I bet she’s already wet.”

Sugasm Editor
Wardrobe Malfunction

Editor’s Choice
3a.m. Vulnerability

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Aug 4, 2009

Porn, Not Erotica posted a review of Freedom is Slavery! Unfortunately, it's not glowing... or even that positive.

The reviewer, Kathleen Bradean, makes a lot of valid points. The biggest has to be that I write "porn" and not "erotica." It may be tough differentiation for my male mind to overcome. It's one I've heard before (shortly before going "to press" one of my best friends lambasted me for being a pornographer and warned me that my reputation would be ruined by Freedom is Slavery) and one with which I continue to struggle. Sometimes I think that the only difference is that erotica requires a minimum of eight paragraphs of foreplay while porn maxes out at two. I'm sure there's more to it, but that's what my prurient mind can best discern. Other opinions are welcome -- about the difference between Porn and Erotica as well as about the book. :)

Even though it's not the most positive review, I'm still thrilled that at least one more person has suffered through my filth.

Read the full review here.

Striking Green

Aug 1, 2009

Babylon A.D.

Digging this video though I may have to swap out the music for something more cheerful: