A friend of mine made this observation about me today.
You are living outside of your needs. You are living with your true desires unfulfilled. You've accepted a marriage where you need to hide your true self (playing with pros on the side) or live without them (not getting emotional support about your projects, etc). And you've accepted a job that exhausts you too much to explore writing with all the energy you can. You've basically landed yourself in a NORMAL life 'accidentally.' It's crept up on you and now you spend 90% of your time trying desperately to hide who you are (brilliant, kinky, and DIFFERENT) and just how needy, depressed and lonely you really are.
If I had to take a stab, I would guess that you had some real unhealthy habits in real life -- at the very least, the depression. And at the most, perhaps escapism and addictions. And until you can find a way to get some integrity in your life, which is, a way to be true to your REAL self, you will be depressed no matter how much therapy you go through.
By addictions I meant... compulsive shopping, video gaming, eating, perhaps an eating DISORDER, who knows. But something that distracts you from how bad you feel.
I can't say how much I agree with this. That is, she's really captured exactly what's going on. The last time I felt truly in touch with myself; my needs, my emotions, I managed to take control of my life and lose 100 pounds, change careers, and get myself happy. Not it's just a matter of changing...