Jan 26, 2011

Depression

I've just not been writing as much as I'd like to these days and I think that a lot of that stems from my depression.

Why so blue? Quite a few reasons, I imagine, but one of the biggest is my day job.

I've been at this job for going on five years. I spent the first four as a manager of a group of internet developers working on a fairly major account. Things changed in March and really changed in May when I was laid off. They brought me back in August where my job definitely changed -- all of those guys I was managing had been fired in March -- but I didn't know just how much it'd changed until yesterday.

It's review time. As per usual with my last nine reviews, I filled out the increasingly-vapid paperwork and sent it over to my boss. Then, as an added twist this year, I had to mark on this large laminated poster that I'd done my review (hello, gradeschool!). There, next to my name, was not my boss listed as my immediate supervisor but someone else. Surprise!

And that's how I found that I'd been moved to another department.

I knew that I had been doing different work since I came back in August but figured it was only a matter of time before we expanded our team back out and I resumed my managerial duties. Nope. That's not in the cards.

Fortunately, I was able to hash this out with my boss -- soon to be my former boss -- yesterday at lunch. Apparently I just hadn't understood that I had returned as a "technical analyist" rather than a manager. (Funny, I kept going to those management meetings and no one blinked an eye). I'm hoping it was this lack of clarity and abundance of confusion that's been causing me grief. However, this means that not only do I have a new boss but that I've also got myself a new supervisor who, as just a coworker, drives me a bit crazy. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to handle her supervising me.

It's still something of a blow to my ego. Though my pay hasn't gone down, this is definitely a demotion and not the way I want my career to go.

Now that things are at least a little bit more in focus as to expectations and my role here maybe things will either cool out or, if nothing else, maybe this will motivate me to look for greener pastures where I can get back to what I want to be doing.

5 comments:

Geofrey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Geofrey said...

In this poor economic times a lot of people are being sent in career directions that they would not choose. You retained a job at the same pay rate. That counts for something. Now is you chance to get yourself noticed. They new boss will be scrutinizing you anyway.

But you need to cut stress if you are going to again excel. My suggestion is to take stock of your favorite hobbies and hang out with your friends more.

Good Luck

Galiana Chance said...

I'm so sorry. I hope it goes as well as possible with your "new boss". It does seem possible to me that frustration could have stemmed from unmatched expectations, and that depression could have stemmed from that frustration.

I hope you do things you love, the kinds of things that make you grin and think different thoughts, as often as you have the energy to do so (that's what helps me)

Porno Person said...

Kelly, why'd you remove your comment? It was so good to hear from you!

Old Roadie said...

There's not much I can do about your "real" job, but I sure enjoy seeing the pictures and reading the prose that you put in here.

Keep up the wonderfully kinky work!